Randomly ravaged ramblings

(Instead of one complete thought this post is a small jumble of my recent thoughts and experiences strung together, I apologize)

Sometimes I just want to be completely content with my crappy situations. I waste so much time just worrying about this and that when I know that if my attitude changed than everything else would, in a way, follow suit. After recently ending a relationship I've rediscovered how lonely it can be for a good while after. I often find myself just sitting with my thoughts. I also am rediscovering that hanging out with people that I unintentionally ignored while I was in a relationship is very difficult and possibly awkward. I had one friend who was willing to hang out and since she was the only one who was really willing I pushed to hang out for as long as possible. It felt so nice to be active and out amongst people again. But then I realized that I was taking advantage of that relationship in a way because I was trying to fill the gap that is still void. So I addressed it and apologized but it still sucks. This has led to me wrestling with the fact that I think I need someone to be happy. I'm not really too crazy about me. Of course I want to change that, I want to be okay with my life and not be in a constant flux between self pity and relationship highs. Maybe writing about it will help. I hope it does.

On a lighter note, I'm participating in a Peter Pan group costume for Halloween. I went to try on my Michael Darling pink onsie and it is now thoroughly ripped. Looking for a quick replacement. It should be fun either way though.

This upcoming holiday season will be the first I'll be away from my family, which is strange seeing that Christmas and Thanksgiving are basically for celebrating family. Hopefully the money I save from not visiting will be enough to get me on the way to owning a car. Which I can use to visit my family later. That's the plan at least.

One thing about being a poor bachelor living with two thinner bachelors is that food has become a rare commodity in our household and is no longer considered an essential. I'll most likely eat one meal a day at work and that will be it. On days that I don't work I'll get fast food-substitute but I'm trying not to spend as much money on that filth. I've never fasted more in my life.

Well those are most of the things that are currently in my head. Thanks for reading and remember that baby... you're a firework. #katyperryforlife #kitypurry #hashtagseverywhere #theyretakingover #boredstupid

Hi there!

    I better just start this thing or I'll never think of a good opening line. Hello, my name is Calvin. I am currently the ripe age of nineteen years old and I live with two of my friends in Salem,Or. I'm writing this because I've been told over and over that this is the best way to become a better writer. And that is what I'd like to become, a writer. AKA: "One who writes". I find the act of writing is a valuable skill for many reasons. One reason being that it is one of the most clear ways to leave some sort of legacy behind. Someday, down the road, it's possible that anybody in the near or far off future will be able to dig through whatever the internet will become to find my writings and get to read a piece of myself that I chose to share with the world. They could even find this very post! It's weird to think about, but fascinating none the less.

    I titled this post "Hi there!". These are the two words that I greet my store's costumers with on a daily basis. I sometimes will catch myself using it outside of work and it feels weird, like I'm starting this auto-pilot mode and if I'm not careful I'll end up asking them "What size would you like that?" or "Is that gonna be for here or to go?". Here's a typical interaction at my store.

INT-Sandwich Shop
    The storefront is quiet apart from the background noise provided by the never-changing oldies radio station. The storefront is full of tables and chairs, but with not nearly enough people to fill them. The employees go about the work they've done countless times before and will likely do countless times again. A customer is striding up to the door, intent on acquiring a sandwich and possibly some lava hot soup. As one of the employees sees the customer approaching they shuffle over to the counter to take the hungry customer's order.

Employee:

Hi there! 

Customer:

How ya' doin'?

Employee:

I'm alright, how about you?

Customer:

Gooood.....

(The customer's long winded answer has assured the employee that the customer has lost themselves in the menu behind them, and now they must stand there, awkwardly staring at their agape mouth, while the customer attempts to figure out what they want to consume.)

Customer:

Can I get.... a ______?

(The employee begins to write down this customers order turning it into a standard "ticket")

Employee:

Sure, what size and bread for ya'?

Customer:

How about a ______, and I'll have that on the ______ bread.

Employee:

Alright, anything else for ya'?

Customer:

I'll have a ______ size drink and some... ______ chips.

Employee:

Is this going to be for here or to go?

Customer:

For here/To go

Employee:

Sounds good, can I get your name?

Customer:

"name"

Employee:

Alright, "name". That'll be $_.__

(The customer pulls out their wallet and proceeds to hand over the funds.)

Employee:

Would you like a receipt with that?

Customer:

yes/no

Employee:

Alright, we'll get that right out for ya.

Customer:

Thanks.

Employee:

Thank you.

    I'd say these are about 80% of the conversations that I'll have in a given work day and, to be honest, it's a little sad that so many unique people with their own stories and experiences get grouped together in my mind because I've gone into such a robo mode. Well, I'm striving not to be impersonal and robotic here. Hopefully I'll be able to paint an accurate portrait of where I've come from, where I am, and where I'd like to be. Like I said before, my main goal with these posts is to grow as a writer, so if you are reading this and you can't bear to read another line. Don't. Stop right now. You won't hurt my feelings, I promise... But if for some reason you decide that my words are worth your time I sincerely thank you and hope that I won't let you down. Now, where to begin?