And scene.

Ext-Playground-Afternoon

The playground is practically overflowing with happy beaming children. Many different groups are here today. The monkey bars have been taken over by some lively dirt faced boys. Over by the jungle gym  a game of castles and knights is taking place between the girl's half of the kingdom and the boys. The slide and teeter-totter are swarmed by all of the smallest children who can't play with the bigger ones. All around each of these structures a number of other game are simultaneously taking place with little ones of all ages and sizes. At the edge of the playground stands Thomas. He would be considered an older kid, but that was mainly due to his size. His feet are planted less than a foot from the edge of the playground dirt where he looks on with animated expressions, reacting to the different playground games as if he was involved himself.

A boy slightly younger but much smaller than Thomas comes up to him.

Boy:

Would you like to be on our team?

Thomas:

What game are you playing?

Boy:

Foxes and hounds.

Thomas:

You'll definitely want Jon and Eli, 

whenever we play that game at my house

 they're always the fastest.

Boy:

Okay, but...

Thomas:

Michael can be a good guarder, but that's

just because he's so big.

Boy:

You're kinda big;

are you a good guarder?

Thomas:

I'm not that big... 

You should pick Jordan too. 

He knows all the best hiding places.

Boy:

Are you going to play?

Thomas' face drops at the question, but tries to recover by giving a look of superiority and boredom.

Thomas:

I don't think so. I've played that game

too many times.

The smaller boy turns and runs back into all the organized chaos to relay all this news to his playmates.

Thomas looks down at his slacks and brushes them off furiously. After straightening his slacks he turns his head to look behind him. Scanning the crowd of socializing grown ups he meets the stern gaze of his father who is shaking his head. He turns back to the playground where he can see the game of foxes and hounds getting under way.

Thomas

( to himself )

Maybe next week.

Walking in circles

Life... Our current frontier. I have for the past few days been subjected to an alarming amount of "Star Trek: The Next Generation". Not really watching it, but rather just catching the bits and pieces of soundtrack and dialogue while I go about busying myself with other entertainment that I prefer. But that one little phrase, "Space... The Final Frontier", which could be one of the show's most identifiable lines got me thinking just a little. How do I view my life? As a frontier to be explored and experienced no matter what trials may come, enjoying the journey and not living in the past or the future? Or playing it as safe as possible to eliminate risk, wanting to merely survive rather than live? This line appears in the amazing new movie "12 Years A Slave" when, after being kidnapped and put on a slavery ship, our main character is told that if he wants to survive it's best to just keep his head down and not cause any trouble. To which he responds, "I don't wanna survive, I wanna live." I don't know exactly why I'm in this general mood or asking such big questions. Maybe it's because I've been feeling under the weather, and in these times I often turn to reflect and examine my life and where it seems to be headed.

I've recently been entertaining the thought of venturing outward, away from the comfortable and safe. Force myself to grow in a new environment, even if it's just for a short while. To boldly go where no... ME has ever gone before. (Seriously, so much Star Trek) The one thing keeping me here is the small group of people that I'm still in community with. Outside of the few times a week I spend with them, my life kinda sucks at the moment. I'm acquiring more expenses and not so lucky with acquiring more hours to take care of them. Nearly all of my days off have turned into days by myself, I'm suffocating. Living with people who are related to each other has given me a front row seat to remind me of one of the things I miss most, my family.

I've been researching what it takes to be a writer. The more interviews I read the clearer it becomes that one should write what they know. Write from experience. That has really struck a cord because I am voluntarily going through near identical experiences every day. If I was to write about what I know now, all of it would be stale and sound the same. I need to have experiences or else I'm going to sit in front of a blank page for the rest of my life without anything to say. 

Sorry for the downer post, go have a new experience.

Darker Days

The room flickers with the light coming from the television on the wall. An assorted group of friends and acquaintances sit hip to hip on the limited number of available cushions. Some have taken to laying on the strangely inviting floor, and inevitably a few of them get some unintentional shut eye. Jokes and commentary are thrown around by those who enjoy an extra layer of dialogue to their films. People arrive and depart spontaneously throughout the night constantly changing the dynamic of the group while the core feeling remains the same. Every night is full of possibilities and doesn't have a set start or finish. This is where friends are made, this is where community is born.

There is a gentle buzz about this eatery. People are enjoying their sandwiches along with the others they surround themselves with. A quaint fireplace occupies one of the corners here with a collection of cushioned benches and seats. It is in front of this fireplace that men and women are coming together to discuss and discover together what it means to live life side by side using love and respect. This is were barriers are destroyed, this is where community thrives.

I would give so much to return to that state of community. To be actively pursing God as a body of believers that values and appreciates every one of it's members as much as the next. Something has been lost, The balance is off, and it breaks my heart because I don't know how to remedy it. I am currently praying that God would bring restoration and peace. But it's very discouraging to feel as if everyone else is satisfied with the way things are, to feel as if I'm alone in this pursuit. Would God "disrupt" their satisfaction and bring restoration if they really don't believe it needs to happen or even want it to? I haven't been able to come up with an answer, but I will continue to pray non the less. I miss being in true community and I refuse to believe that it was a once in a lifetime experience.

Randomly ravaged ramblings

(Instead of one complete thought this post is a small jumble of my recent thoughts and experiences strung together, I apologize)

Sometimes I just want to be completely content with my crappy situations. I waste so much time just worrying about this and that when I know that if my attitude changed than everything else would, in a way, follow suit. After recently ending a relationship I've rediscovered how lonely it can be for a good while after. I often find myself just sitting with my thoughts. I also am rediscovering that hanging out with people that I unintentionally ignored while I was in a relationship is very difficult and possibly awkward. I had one friend who was willing to hang out and since she was the only one who was really willing I pushed to hang out for as long as possible. It felt so nice to be active and out amongst people again. But then I realized that I was taking advantage of that relationship in a way because I was trying to fill the gap that is still void. So I addressed it and apologized but it still sucks. This has led to me wrestling with the fact that I think I need someone to be happy. I'm not really too crazy about me. Of course I want to change that, I want to be okay with my life and not be in a constant flux between self pity and relationship highs. Maybe writing about it will help. I hope it does.

On a lighter note, I'm participating in a Peter Pan group costume for Halloween. I went to try on my Michael Darling pink onsie and it is now thoroughly ripped. Looking for a quick replacement. It should be fun either way though.

This upcoming holiday season will be the first I'll be away from my family, which is strange seeing that Christmas and Thanksgiving are basically for celebrating family. Hopefully the money I save from not visiting will be enough to get me on the way to owning a car. Which I can use to visit my family later. That's the plan at least.

One thing about being a poor bachelor living with two thinner bachelors is that food has become a rare commodity in our household and is no longer considered an essential. I'll most likely eat one meal a day at work and that will be it. On days that I don't work I'll get fast food-substitute but I'm trying not to spend as much money on that filth. I've never fasted more in my life.

Well those are most of the things that are currently in my head. Thanks for reading and remember that baby... you're a firework. #katyperryforlife #kitypurry #hashtagseverywhere #theyretakingover #boredstupid

Hi there!

    I better just start this thing or I'll never think of a good opening line. Hello, my name is Calvin. I am currently the ripe age of nineteen years old and I live with two of my friends in Salem,Or. I'm writing this because I've been told over and over that this is the best way to become a better writer. And that is what I'd like to become, a writer. AKA: "One who writes". I find the act of writing is a valuable skill for many reasons. One reason being that it is one of the most clear ways to leave some sort of legacy behind. Someday, down the road, it's possible that anybody in the near or far off future will be able to dig through whatever the internet will become to find my writings and get to read a piece of myself that I chose to share with the world. They could even find this very post! It's weird to think about, but fascinating none the less.

    I titled this post "Hi there!". These are the two words that I greet my store's costumers with on a daily basis. I sometimes will catch myself using it outside of work and it feels weird, like I'm starting this auto-pilot mode and if I'm not careful I'll end up asking them "What size would you like that?" or "Is that gonna be for here or to go?". Here's a typical interaction at my store.

INT-Sandwich Shop
    The storefront is quiet apart from the background noise provided by the never-changing oldies radio station. The storefront is full of tables and chairs, but with not nearly enough people to fill them. The employees go about the work they've done countless times before and will likely do countless times again. A customer is striding up to the door, intent on acquiring a sandwich and possibly some lava hot soup. As one of the employees sees the customer approaching they shuffle over to the counter to take the hungry customer's order.

Employee:

Hi there! 

Customer:

How ya' doin'?

Employee:

I'm alright, how about you?

Customer:

Gooood.....

(The customer's long winded answer has assured the employee that the customer has lost themselves in the menu behind them, and now they must stand there, awkwardly staring at their agape mouth, while the customer attempts to figure out what they want to consume.)

Customer:

Can I get.... a ______?

(The employee begins to write down this customers order turning it into a standard "ticket")

Employee:

Sure, what size and bread for ya'?

Customer:

How about a ______, and I'll have that on the ______ bread.

Employee:

Alright, anything else for ya'?

Customer:

I'll have a ______ size drink and some... ______ chips.

Employee:

Is this going to be for here or to go?

Customer:

For here/To go

Employee:

Sounds good, can I get your name?

Customer:

"name"

Employee:

Alright, "name". That'll be $_.__

(The customer pulls out their wallet and proceeds to hand over the funds.)

Employee:

Would you like a receipt with that?

Customer:

yes/no

Employee:

Alright, we'll get that right out for ya.

Customer:

Thanks.

Employee:

Thank you.

    I'd say these are about 80% of the conversations that I'll have in a given work day and, to be honest, it's a little sad that so many unique people with their own stories and experiences get grouped together in my mind because I've gone into such a robo mode. Well, I'm striving not to be impersonal and robotic here. Hopefully I'll be able to paint an accurate portrait of where I've come from, where I am, and where I'd like to be. Like I said before, my main goal with these posts is to grow as a writer, so if you are reading this and you can't bear to read another line. Don't. Stop right now. You won't hurt my feelings, I promise... But if for some reason you decide that my words are worth your time I sincerely thank you and hope that I won't let you down. Now, where to begin?